Independence is a wonderful and necessary character trait. Without it, babies would never learn to crawl or walk, take care of themselves, or be self-sufficient. As we grow older, independence is even more necessary in order to form our own opinions and actions, and to form the character that becomes the essence of who and what we are. No one can tolerate a simpering, whining, clinging vine. Independence is an essential part of being a self-reliant, productive, responsible individual.
Finding balance with this independence is not easy, however. Independence in the extreme is not a good thing, and needs to be tempered with understanding and compassion. Consider these possibilities:
Do you enjoy helping other people? By the force of your independence, are you denying others the joy of "giving" to you — even in small ways.
When people are kind to you, or show you generosity and consideration, do you feel "guilty" or suspicious wondering what they "really want"?
Is your independence really an act of defiance against someone who was a "control freak" in your youth?
Are you afraid of trusting anyone to lend you a hand because you were betrayed by someone you trusted earlier in life?
Are you punishing yourself in some way by making your life harder than it really needs to be?
Do you not ask for help, or accept it when offered, because deep inside you feel you are not "worthy"?
These are all serious questions of personal insight to ask yourself. My mother raised me to be a fighter. To never accept help, or ask for it. To do it myself, or leave it undone. She was wrong. Life is so much more joyful when you bring others into your circle and accept even the smallest offers of help, and the kindness of others. I could not have survived many tough times in my life had it not been for friends.
None of us is a cold, self-sustaining, island. We are all members of the Tribe of Man. Man is, by the nature of creation, a social animal. Try asking, and accepting — just a little. It will get easier and easier. You will find little ways, and little kindnesses, that say "thank you". Perhaps the opportunity may never present itself to repay a kindness directly, but someday, someone will cross your path who is in need. You will act, remembering how much it meant to you to accept with gratitude an act of humanity that had no strings or conditions attached to the other end.
It doesn't hurt — honest.
Namaste.
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